Guy and Madeleine Break Up

Guy is wobbling his face in Madeleine’s breasts as she sits looking forward.

Guy: Madeleine, why do you want to break up with me?

Madeleine: We’re not meant to be together. You’re soft as sand, I’m tough as leather. I mean both of those metaphorically.

Guy: I respectfully disagree.

Madeleine: We’re polar opposites. 

Guy: First off, we’re not, second off, Ying and Yang are polar opposites.

Madeleine: I’ve been really depressed. I need some time to myself to do things I know make me feel better, like crying.

Guy: Alone you’ll cry, with me you’ll giggle.

Madeleine: That’s just it, Guy, I don’t want to giggle.

Guy: I’m just—uhhhhhh! Don’t break up with me. Buyer’s remorse fades with time.

Madeleine: I’m sorry. You can’t talk about anything serious.

Guy: My face, look at it, this is my serious face.

Madeleine: What scares you the most about us breaking up, Guy?  That you won’t find anyone?

Guy: I don’t want anyone. I want you. Why is that pathetic? What do I have to do for you to not break up with me?

Madeleine: Not be you.

Guy: Can we start with something easier? I promise you, I promise you we’re highly compatible. Stay with me, take my word for it, and when you exit this depression…lets hope its temporary, you never know…when you exit this depression, you’ll be like “Oh, shit, I was wrong. He’s the love of my life. I’m glad he pressured me to stay with him when all I wanted to do was leave him and cry... And make love to others.” And we’ll laugh. We’ll have a good laugh about it, Madeleine…Mad-Mad?

Madeleine: I’m sorry Guy, I just don’t think I have those feeling for you anymore, I feel like you have no pushback, I feel like you agree with me to agree.

Guy: I can see that.

Madeleine:…

Guy: Alright. I disagree with that statement. But I’m trying to be empathetic.

Madeleine: …

Guy: Mad-Mad?

Madeleine: I’m not a huge fan of you calling me Mad-Mad, it makes people think I’m an angry person. And I’m not—I’m just a constantly depressed person. Sad-Sad would be more appropriate. But Madeleine’s my actual name so it would make less sense. I guess I see where you’re coming from.

Guy: Please, just give me another chance, Madeleine, treat this like a mental exercise where you release all resentment of me. I’ve been in a very anxious place, trying to make light of everything because I’m scared of being vulnerable, but you wanting to break up with me, it’s been a shock to my system and I’m ready to be vulnerable with you, I’m ready to tell you I love you.

Madeleine: (shakes head)

Guy: That’s why I didn’t say it. I was just saying I’m ready to say it. 

Madeleine: Guy, I’m sorry, I just can’t be in a relationship with you any more, I feel like it’s tearing at me, I feel constantly sad, you find everything funny. That is literally the worst combination of temperaments.

Guy: How? If you were with someone that was constantly sad the two of you would just be a terrible vortex of sad.

Madeleine:…

Guy:…I was unaware of how you were feeling Madeleine. I’m in love with you and what I want more than anything is for you to feel better. And if joking around is not what you need, then joking around is dead to me.

Madeleine: That’s the problem, Guy. You were unaware of how I was feeling. You always are.

Guy: Not…right now.

Madeleine: I’m sorry.

Madeleine sits looking down, in silence. Guy very slowly leans in, kisses her.

Her eyes shoot open. He pulls back as slowly as he went in, his face frozen.

Guy: That was an accident.